I Had To Go Outside To Write This Post

 This was not the post I set out to publish today. I had spent time setting up another post, including an outline. Then I lacked inspiration to write it. Old Peggy would skip it, allowing an old record to play of her lack of follow through. 

I sent that Peggy on vacation; she needed one. 

Honestly, any post would not be written at my desk today. Outside I went, the cloud filled blue sky peeks through Grandmother Elm's branches and vibrant green leaves. A dove couple high up top coo to each other, the love and comfort between them loud and clear in their calls. 

Being outside, writing this post by hand, I've already learned something. Going slower than I would type - I expected to be frustrated. As the sunlight dances on the page, I realize this is like savoring a rare vintage. Slowing down, as the wind did just now- to taste and feel each word. Only the best comes forward, knowing this is the right time. 

Moisture is in the air, all of nature can feel it. A secret running under the eyes of humanity, an intrisict ability all life carries. Even humans. 

We've lost our touch with Nature, gone is the balance and connection, lost to time and space. 

Or is it?

A moment under Grandmother Elms' limbs, and I'm here. Present. In the moment. Words want to capture it all, but this intimate knowing can only be felt and experienced. 

It's the hottest part of the day, a time I'm rarely found outside. Yet here I am - seeing how nature dances, sings, and lives in spite of the heat. 

Live - in spite of. 

The purpose of this post...I've lost it. And that's okay. 

Maybe we both needed the reminder to live. 

Live in spite of all that's against you. 

Live because it's the most scary, intense, freeing, and joyful experience of your life. 

I'm also secretly hoping it'll start raining, so I can dance in it. It'll be the first rain of the season. 

(As of the typing of this, no rain has fallen on Peggy, much to her dismay. She promises to alert the media once this monumentous moment happens. Stay tuned!) 

I question, is this a 'good enough' post? Does it have a point? Does it repeat to much? Why do I repeat things?

And then I remember to breathe. . .breath through the emotions and thoughts. But don't hold it too long. 

My intuition speaks louder these days. Her voice the first I hear and trust now. She is a gift that cannot be thanked enough. As I follow her, listen to her, walk guided by her, I am finding parts of myself along the way. Parts that are being healed and put back. One day soon, I'll be able to see and experience my wholeness. Its timing doesn't bother me. 

As fate has perfect time and sense. 

So I lean into my intuition. I hear and live by her. Through this scary and challenging journey, I am healing. And how can I be dismayed over that, when the taste of freedom and being whole feels so damn right?  

Opening My Creative Doors!

 I’m doing it. It’s done. It’s set up and ready to go. By the time this post is live, my photography doors will be open. (Check it out here!)

It feels small in the grand scheme of things, and I’m not blind to what’s going on in the world these days. But doing this for me, carving out my spot to just be me, feels right. This is the time, crazy and uncertain as it is. This is my golden hour, my blue hour, my best seller status, my higher calling. 

I can feel the change slipping through my fingers like gentle waves against the shore. With each release is a recapture of what once was, and what can be. A reminder that she's still in here, still breathing the life through all the fuckery that came before. 

This feels both the biggest and the smallest step I’ve ever made, and I can see the other big/small steps that led me here. Each step seemed wrong, didn’t fit with the previous steps I’d taken. The previous roads I started down. Yet here I am, on another precipice, feeling the strong winds of the past and future fighting over which direction I fall. 

Every precipice is an opportunity to soar, to fight the currents, the glide and to fall. Every precipice leads to the next one, and each one grows bigger and smaller at the same time. 

Leading up to the launch of this web shop, I've faced challenges that threatened to turn me off course. To pull me into questioning the validity of my life and passions. Again, I'm reminded over and over that the Universe has me. That these things strengthen myself, heal things, and move in the right direction. I've leaned into journaling and speaking with safe people in these times, and the support and gift of friendships is astounding. 

Where am I going with this? 

I expected this post to turn out differently, but it turned out how it's supposed to. Full of truth and the reality of where I'm at. The mess that life makes when one is trying to live according to their intuition. It's not always pretty. In fact, I suspect that living a life such as this redefines beauty and truly living. It transforms us from passive spectators to the valiant heroes we've longed to be. 

Heroes of our own stories, our own personal heroes' journey. There's a part of the story called the Dark Night of The Soul. In this part, the hero takes time to process everything that's happened. They are usually worse off and questioning everything. This is just before the hero finds the solution to the problem and learns their lesson. (Take loosely from Save The Cat! Writes A Novel, by Jessica Brody pg. 26) This is where I'm at, where I've been, for months now. Each event, each step, has carried its own moment before the dawn and this feels like another one.  

Making my space in the world, and trusting the intentions I've spoke aloud into becoming, fills me with a wildly beating heart that is truly breathing fully for the first time in decades. Welcome to the space I've made to heal my inner child, my inner teen, and all aspects of myself. Through creativity, I soar and dance with the cosmos.