I Can't Find My Motivation

Image from Unsplash

Motivation is a buzzword. One could argue any number of key external factors as the success marker. Internal is where it's at, because no one understands what moves you more than YOU do. Phycology Today states, "Motivation is the desire to act in service of a goal. It's the crucial element in setting and attaining our objectives. Motivation is one of the driving forces behind human behavior. It fuels competition and sparks social connection. Its absence can lead to mental illnesses such as depression."

I honestly can't tell you why I've found motivation on a consistant basis. I won't lie and say it's steady either. It waxes and wanes like life itself does. Coming off of the first six months of 2020, when my health was at it's worst, I realized that I'd been coasting on life. I'd made it my job to watch OTHERS live their dreams, lamenting my own lack. Depression and anxiety hit hard, along with an autoimmune flare that literally made me bedridden.

I don’t want to end up back there. I don't want to lose the passion for creation that I have. While I strive for my goals, I also acknowledge that I need to always keep an eye on my health. If I use it as a barometer for my to-do list, I'll be doing well according to my own measurements. I have a strong desire for sharing my creativity, but I won't sacrifice my mental, physical or spiritual health for it. I can create and share as I can, but I can't get back my health and the days I lose because of not paying attention.

Motivation is an inner knowing that what I'm doing RIGHT NOW is enough. If I do ONLY this for the rest of my life...my heart and soul are fulfilled. The rest of it is all icing.